12 Important Ways That Aunts Can Shape Kids’ Lives

Sometimes an aunt is just the person you need — and if you’re lucky, she’s right there when you need her. In Kayla Miller’s graphic novel “Click,” the protagonist’s hip, child-free Aunt Molly listens patiently as her niece Olive tells her about her struggle to figure out how she can participate in the school talent show and how she feels left out by her friends. Aunt Molly invites her over for a special girls’ sleepover. The two order Chinese food and watch old variety shows looking for inspiration for Olive’s talent show act.

We all need an Aunt Molly in our lives from time to time, someone who stands outside the dynamics of our immediate family and who can offer a flavor of support that simply no one else can give.

HuffPost asked people to tell us how their aunts have shaped their lives or how being an aunt has changed them.

“I don’t live locally to any of my nieces and nephew, so whenever I see them I always try to make the best of our time together. That means taking them out for quality alone time without other family members. I love taking my nieces to the local coffee shop, where they can get juice or water and some type of dessert and we can share some time together. Since the shop is nearby, we always walk there, which gives us time to enjoy time together, and then we will walk to the local park.” — Michelle Bernstein, Nevada

“Being an aunt has been an incredible experience for me. I’ve been able to pour into my nieces and nephew, make them feel important and take a real interest in what makes them excited. When I visit, I take time apart from the other adults to completely focus on them. I let them decide the games we play, the videos we watch, the things we talk about. I love making it about them and going into their world and making sure they know that what they think actually matters. I’ve found it to be so impactful just to show them that they’re important and not trying to force them into my activities. I never want them to feel like I have better things to do, so when I spend time with them, I’m 100% in!” — Grace Moser, California

“As a kid, to know you have an adult who adores you and is proud of you makes a huge impression and builds confidence and maturity. I adored my aunts growing up and really appreciated their advice and perspective, even if/when it was similar to my parents’. Somehow it resonated more, or it sunk in better, coming from them since they never told me to clean my room or get off the phone. Parents have a tough job — being an aunt is such a gift.” — Paige Arnof-Fenn, Massachusetts

“There are typically taboo or ‘real-deal’ conversations that parents don’t want their kids to have with just any adults. As a trusted family member, I can ask my niece anything and perhaps get a response her parents might not have known was in there. I can also give her a perspective she might not be getting at home or offer some advice that mom or dad may have overlooked. At a young age, these secrets can be shared with their parents, to help enrich their lives in tons of different ways. Auntie found out what she really wants for her birthday — or Auntie knows what boy she likes to sit next to in the lunch room. As kids get older, these secrets can be kept between niece and aunt. Special girl talk that no one needs to know about.” — Amy Johnson, Ohio

“An aunt offers a special kind of connection, different from that with parents, providing a blend of family warmth and the freedom to explore one’s identity in an emotionally safe space. Meaningful moments with my nieces and nephews have included visiting the town their mom and I grew up in, sharing those memories and doing something as simple as learning how to play pickleball together. We also enjoy preparing meals. It offers time to be together, talk and connect over a common goal.” — Kamini Wood, North Carolina

“My sister Julie, otherwise known as Aunt Jukie, is an integral part of our family. After recovering from brain tumor surgery about 15 years ago, I was unable to drive for six months. Since I worked about an hour away from home, I needed someone to drive me. Julie moved from Illinois to Massachusetts to step in to help with the driving. Shortly after, I became pregnant with my son Liam. Unfortunately, the brain tumor, though not cancerous, returned. Julie was an enormous help during this time, not only driving me to proton therapy sessions (which successfully eliminated the tumor) but also taking care of Liam.
My husband traveled frequently for work, and without Julie’s support, managing everything would have been impossible. Julie is like a third parent to Liam: She attends his school conferences, helps him choose his courses, and coordinates activities with his friends and their parents. At one point, she was even asked to serve as president of his school’s Parent-Teacher Association because of her deep involvement with the school.” — Renee Fry, Massachusetts

“I am the mother of three girls, ages 4 to 12. Their aunts celebrate the heck out of my girls. They are delighted in what they can do and take their interests and achievements seriously. Our girls learn how to sing from a chosen aunt who is a professional singer and how to audition from that same aunt. They have inherited a passion for ‘Hamilton’ and Harry Potter from another chosen aunt. Their lives are so much richer because of their aunts, and my journey as a parent is so much easier.” — Mijha Godfrey, Georgia

“I am an LA-based TV/film/social media/event producer with two out-of-town teen nieces. When they were ages 10 and 6, we made a short film, which played on the film fest circuit and won awards. It was a pleasure to share this experience with them, especially as an aunt. I got to be the cool showbiz influence in their lives, and I believe that it bolstered their self-esteem to see what they could accomplish without a parent’s help.” — Marlene Sharp, California

“My Aunt Faye (20 years my mother’s senior) was my idol, my all-time favorite aunt growing up. She was a fabulous seamstress (by hobby, not profession) and created a collection of the most incredible haute couture clothing for my Barbie doll when I was about 11 or 12. Suffice to say, mine was the best dressed Barbie, bar none!

“She was also an amazing baker and created, by hand, perfectly formed and delicious mini cherry tarts on a regular basis. I don’t think I ever really expressed my incredible appreciation, so let this serve as my love letter to her!” — Renee Miller, California

“I am a proud auntie. I have two nieces, two nephews, three grandnephews and one grandniece. I relish and treasure the role I play in their lives, as a confidant and bonus parent. As an auntie and great-auntie who did not have children of my own, I have made it my purpose to be a resource and helpful to my siblings and now my nieces and nephews who are parents. My eldest niece and nephew spent a week with me in London for their 16th birthday. Over the years, I’ve helped with tuition, computers, general advice — things they were glad to tell me first as an ‘adult’ before approaching their parents. When my oldest niece went back to school for one of her degrees, I helped with my sister to supplement child care evenings and weekends.” — Nikki Beauchamp, New York

“I am not yet married and don’t have children, and I’m blessed to be aunty to 16 (I’m one of seven siblings). I have delighted in doing special aunt things with my nieces/nephews over the years — particularly taking the girls out for tea and scones. Having a quality aunt in one’s life is supremely powerful, especially for girls. It gives the girls another role model, a picture of what other women’s lives look like, up close. They see what their mum does, how she lives life. Having an aunty who perhaps has a very different life gives girls a good example of the life options available to them.” — Jo Hayes, Australia

“As a family therapist, I value the benefits of the special relationship between aunts and their nieces and nephews. These relationships often involve a feeling of camaraderie and secure bond that is quite unique. I am a child-free, divorced, single woman in my 60s. I grew up with spectacular aunts and am now an aunt myself.

“My aunt and godmother Mary did many motherly things for me, such as cook and made sure I ate. She always remembered to ask about things I was concerned about, was great with advice and yet also could be your silliest best friend.

“My Aunt Jane was very concerned that I have a career and be an independent woman. To that end, she would come to visit me at college and spend time going to college sporting events with me. She was never short on advice.

“Both aunts had a huge impact on my development as a woman, and both encouraged me to speak my truth.” — Debra Castaldo, New Jersey

“As an aunt of three girls, all from different age groups — 31 years old, 26 years old and 13 years old — I think that you get to play many different roles, such as showing up as the big sister. My oldest niece was planning on going to a community college, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I encouraged her to attend a four-year college and enjoy her independence and meet other young people her age who will probably be her friends for life. She had excellent scores on the SAT/ACT, and once she received her acceptance letter, it was a great day for her.” — Shanna Bynes, Florida

“Like many immigrant stories, my mother came to the U.S. when we were little. Because she could only obtain a visa for herself, she had no choice but to leave us behind. As hard as that decision was, it made it a little bearable knowing that my aunt was there to look after us. My aunt taught me many things, including how to cook and dress for different occasions. She also taught me morals that I carry with me today. Now that I have kids of my own, I’m grateful to see the relationships that they’ve already developed with their aunts. Both their immediate aunt and great-aunts love and dote on them. They are like extra moms they can rely on, especially when I can’t be there.” — Aghogho Oluese, New York

“My aunts play a huge role in my life. While my mother was fighting inflammatory breast cancer in 2007, my aunts rallied around her and showed the importance of sisterhood. While my mother did not win her battle, my aunts stepped in to take care of the three of us and have all had major roles in our lives as adults. In some ways, the relationship is so special as they’re an embodiment of my mom’s memory as the keepers of stories about her. At the same time, they’ve also been surrogate mothers and have done their best to support us while never trying to take over that role. The aunt I’m closest to also officiated my wedding.” — Patrick Gevas, Florida